I’m on my work break (college work. yeah - there’s so much to do i’ve scheduled breaks!) and I was having a read of the confessions… someone else wants to be a model.
I often wonder why people want to model; Do they like the clothes (or lack of)? Do they like the attention? Or do they genuinely love themselves? - and no, not in a cocky way.
Dya know why I wanted to model? Other than for the money - it’s a job so i’m allowed profit from it! I wanted to model:
For the clothes - I wanted someone to dress me, to look nice, maybe extraordinary for a change.
For the attention - I thought that if I was known for modelling, maybe people would see me as beautiful, and then maybe people would actually SEE me. Acknowledge the fact that I exist, that I’m there, for something other than a shoulder to cry on and someone to rip to shreds.
And so that maybe, one day, I would learn to love myself again. And no, not in a cocky way.
Now, I’m not so bothered about the modelling thing. I think it could be fun… but I’m not that kind of looker. My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful though… and his opinion is the one that matters to me :) Because, he’s spesh. And I’ve got crazy amounts of pash for him. ;) As long as someone (more specifically he) thinks I’m worthy, that’ll do me nicely.
It’s terribly bizarre finding out that someone you grew up with has died, tragically, in a car crash that wasn’t their fault.
Someone that was involved in the collision left the scene immediately and is still to be identified. The worst part? A few people have a sneaky feeling they know who that person could be, but can’t prove it… which upsets me more than anything.
I hadn’t seen the girl for years, but her sister was once one of my best friends. It wasn’t her time to go. I’m still shell shocked.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I really do dislike the world.
…you couldn’t write about in books, or conjure up in a dream. You couldn’t tell this tale over again, because it’d never be as perfect as it is now, and has been for the last 2 days.
I woke up at 9, hit snooze, and didn’t wake up until 11. I grabbed my stuff, and left the house without any of my homemade cookies! Ok so that wasn’t how the plan was supposed to go, but it worked out ok in the end…
I then went into town and met my dear Lucy! We shopped and chatted and ate and shopped and stripped and shopped and chatted and froze and then departed. We had a ball. I really think we should do it more often…
Then, after grabbing some Millie’s cookies to replace the ones I forgot to take out with me in the first place, I bussed it to Alex’s. Got there, chilled, talked, stayed for dinner… and then Immi (his awesome stepmum) asked if I wanted to stay… I was gonna go out on the tiles, but instead decided that that was exactly what I wanted to do, and stayed. We had a wonderful night, which I will spare details of. He told me something really amazing though. Something that I just can’t shake off. It’s beaut…
Anyway, today was/is our anniversary… a month of being ‘facebook official’. HA - so naff isn’t it. We started the day in sexy/shmokin’ style and continued to have a fabulous time. We slept, eventually, it must’ve been at 5am…ish? And woke up with the biggest smiles on our faces. :)
Today, after breakfasting and showering, we monged around the house (well, his bedroom), doing not a lot. Just spending time. Perfect time. Talking, listening to shitty music, reading bullshit sex tips in Mens Health, sexytiiiiime, doing nonsense bollocks, etc.
The time came where I had to leave, and it was awful. I just… didn’t want to. I never want to. If I could, I’d have him close by all the time. MMMMM.
Watched Dancing on Ice
Watched PS I Love You
Now, in bed, contemplating what to steal from the kitchen before going to sleep.
I honestly couldn’t have written this in a book.
It’s so much more special than that. But I guess you’ll never know. Because we shared it, just us, and it was FUCKING GRAND.
So happy right now that I could burst. OH. BABEH. :)
I’ve had one of those overly relaxed days where I haven’t let the world trouble me all that much.
I don’t know why… maybe it was the stress and the upset of yesterday that set me in high spirits today? Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not alone? OR maybe, it’s just one of those days that’s jolly for no reason at all… it’ll pass me by, it won’t hold any significance in a weeks time, but it’s a day that I’ve used to relax, to reflect and to perfect my cookie baking skills.
That’s probably why my blog is lacking in substance and moral fibre today… Because I’ve had a worry free day, all in all.
Do I have a lazy one and cook the contents of the freezer… Or, do I try that recipe that’s been bugging me for weeks?
I have the house to myself, so it really doesn’t matter either way… I don’t want to bin the chicken in the fridge - might as well use it… right? But that means I have to waddle to the shop to get a few bits for the recipe, because I don’t fancy a boring, predictable chicken dish… HMM. NOT SURE.
I’m clearly not worrying about the mountains of washing, ironing, work and life organisation I have to do this weekend… aha.
i honestly don't know how to get over him, its been around a month? maybe a few days over that- i don't know what to do with myself. he's moved on, ive seen him with more than one girl. i dont know what to do anymore :( i miss him and his cute cheesyness, and i miss having someone there wit me all of the time. i know people say 'just move on' but i dont know how to? whenever i go and see other friends/ guys i just compare them to him and upset myself.
any help would be appreciated?
you don’t have to be over someone in a month - it can take days, weeks, months or even years. you’re going to compare them to everyone to start with, because you’ll think that no-one can out do them - you’ll eventually realise that this isn’t true! and that in fact, someone better WILL come along :)
i can’t tell you how to get over someone, because doing that is a personal process. you need to keep yourself busy - see your friends, have fun - put him to the side/back of your mind, and don’t worry about seeing anyone else for a while. concentrate at school, make your life strong and better in other areas, and he will eventually slip away. and don’t talk to him all the time - that’ll be no good for you, trust me!
How do you know when you're in love? I think I might be but... :-/
i have no idea. i’d imagine that it’s different for everyone?
one thing i do know is that it’s different to anything else you’ll have experienced - you’ll get that longing feeling when you’re not with them, and the sense of euphoria when you are. if you want to tell them, and you feel the need to say it all the time, i guess that’s another added thing maybe? people throw love around too much these days, so don’t say it unless you mean it, ok?
i wrote a definition of love ages ago… MY definition. i’ll see if i can dig it out later.
I’m starting to think he’s been sent to me, by some greater force than us, because he is just so bloody perfect… and a complete and utter legend!
I didn’t think anyone would be able to cheer me up. Turns out I was wrong, yet again.
I’m starting to think that he’s a little crazy. He wants to be with me. He wants to help me. No-one else has cared like he does. It’s alien to me!
I’m so grateful that he’s around. I don’t want to rely on him, because that puts pressure on a person, and I don’t want to lose my independence if things do go tits up at any point… but at the same time I know I can, if I need to. And, I kind of want to… but that’s by the by. Just the fact that I can means more than anything.
Yeah yeah, it’s ‘early days’ I know. BUT, I know. I knew. I always knew. I love that boy, rather large amounts as it goes. Not puppy love, not loose love, it’s all about the love love… I think I’m old enough and ugly enough to know when something’s right, and this… this is it.
HE’s probably sick of the mushy shit, so I’ll stop this now. Just wanted to tell you all that’s he’s fab. And I wanted to thank him for everything he’s done… and yeah, he’ll read this.