and i just don't understand how things can come to an end so quickly. how can someone mean everything to you one minute and nothing to you the next? how can you live your life around someone else's and then completely cut them out of it? how can your very being centre around the existence of another and then suddenly survive on it's own? how can you fall out of love with yourself, just in someone else's form?
Good one youtube! A song that reminds me of Alex just came on. And it was because of a stupid playlist. Cheers guys.
Y’know, this is getting silly. I’m thinking about everything - the times he biked to mine or the hospital, armed with stuff to make me feel better, including nutella, chick flicks and my favourite jumper of his; when he cooked for me just because, and when I got home from work so that I didn’t have to worry that time; being looked after when rather drunk countless times because I’m such a messy wreckhead; when we watched chick flicks or other nonsense of my choosing, just because he was ok with whatever I was ok with; stupid accents all the time - anywhere and everywhere; his big old hands, his little scar on the right side of his nose, the little bit of hair at the front that never changes it’s direction, despite whatever you do to it; the first time I slept over and we fell asleep in exactly the same, slightly odd on-front position and I thought that this was right, this was t’other half.
I’m also thinking about the less positive aspects, like fact that he has brains the size of jupiter and yet has no common sense whatsoever at times; letting me pay for things because he doesn’t have a job (which is fine, for a while); telling me that some of my beliefs are wrong and making me feel this big (squishes tumb and forefinger together); clashing opinions that worried me about future and the like; utterly tactless remarks about anything and everything that either upset me, made me angry, or in general make the situation worse and being so damn secretive sometimes.
The reallllly funny thing is is that the first large paragraph is large, and doesn’t include half of the things that I’ve been thinking about. I miss all of those things, and a million more. The second paragraph mattered more to me yesterday, but for some reason seems silly now. I can’t quite work out whether I’m just feeling needy and desperate for love or whether, actually, stopping all the work yesterday was a mistake… a catastrophic mistake.
There’s a big old void where you are. I wanted to come home to someone that loved me for me. Someone to cuddle. Someone to tell me that my moves aren’t THAT bad and that I’m not a horrible person. I’m not that lucky. But y’know, others are right? Despite their religion, some want a late night out and get it. Some get to spend their late night off, not me. I spend nights like this crying my eyes out at the fact I’ve lost the one I love… LOVE?!
The worst thing about losing my phone, aside from contacts, is the photos that were never saved on my laptop. I’ll never get them back again. Photos are priceless to me, especially as I was gonna get some printed for uni :/ typical isn’t it.
I’m so upset and angry. Fucking cunts. Why bother? Why not go out and get a fucking job?! I hope they catch whoever it was, not that I’ll get my phone back, but so they can punish them for ruining at least 10 people’s nights.
Yesterday was the worst day in absolutely ages, no exaggeration! Every little bit of goodness was ruine by something shite.
What the fuck am I gonna do?! Eurgh. Poor students can’t afford phones!
I had a box and a list of things I was going to fill it with. I had a perfect cut and look and makeup list to get. I had the idea of 7 other flatmates, all good and up for it. I had the ikea shop in mind and making a life for myself for once. I had visits and trips and love and laughs all on the agenda.
I need to keep busy. My head’s screwed and needs distracting. I’ve got the day off but am having the mop chopped at 11. I’m also changing my bank stuff, sorting my room maybe and possibly maybe going out, although I’m so not in the mood.
My dreams over the past few days have been pretty reflective of this confused mood and things that have happened. I hate it. I really fackin hate it.
When does it become ok to try and stop impressing those close to us?
You may be thinking ‘the world tells me not to care what others think’. It’s true isn’t it? Despite our insecurities, someone will always turn around and say ‘you shouldn’t care what others think!’. But wait, why shouldn’t you?! Surely not everyone else in the world is wrong?
If people didn’t truly care what people thought of them, we’d have less technological advances, less patriotism, fewer laws, less debating and we’d have a far higher number of crimes, punishments, etc. Wouldn’t we? Because if people didn’t care, we wouldn’t have rules. And even if we did, people wouldn’t care - rules are there to be broken.
So why do people kid themselves?! Why do people pretend that they don’t care what others think of them? Why do partners stop trying to up the anti and keep the spark with their other half? Why do friends stop doing those extra favours and nice things, just because? Why do people not knuckle down to work harder to impress their teachers and/or employers? This is relevant to many relationships and interactions.
Too many people give up I reckon. Too many people get lazy. It’s not about being ‘comfortable’ around people like everyone says, it’s about being lazy. You care what people think of you, but you think that slacking on the extra effort with certain people is fine because you think ‘they’ll love/keep/reward me anyway’. Well guess what, I’m sick of that. I’m sick of the same old lazy ass bullshit. I like to make the effort. I like to organise little things for the sake of it, I like to try something different, I like to buy the drinks once in a while (not enough though - need to do this more)… And what do some people do in return? To just be nice? To put the extra effort in? Nothing. Fuck all. They get comfortable, and lazy, and that’s ok with them, but I’m not so keen.
Most people I know have become too comfortable with someone/something, me included, and have taken them completely for granted. It’s not on. We need to do something about it, recognise it, don’t you think? We need to step up and admit that we’ve gotten lazy, and we need to fix it before it’s permanently broken.
I don’t want to get stuck in old ways before I’ve lived my life yet thanks very much.
There’s a few people on faceyb that confuse lots of words with other words.
Like or, instead of all.
Like were, instead of where.
Like rsome, instead of awesome.
I kid you not, these people exist. Shall we gather with either a) torches and pitchforks or b) basic spelling and grammar books for age 4+? I’m not quite sure which would give me more satisfaction, and which would scare them more…
I’m going back to work at 12. Again. Worky mcwork work. ALL I DO IS WORK :( I have Thursday and Friday off this week, and I’m getting my haircut, going to the bank to sort my student bank account and then starting to sort my room out, in prep for moving out in just over two weeks. Hardly feels like days off to me!
The worst thing is is that I’m too nice (believe it or not…) and I’ve opted to stay until 6th, because they’re short staffed that day. Wtf Emma, why didn’t you just say you needed to leave at the end of the month?!
You’re on public transport (in my case, a bus) and your iPod throws out a complete belter of epic tunage proportions, and you can’t sing along, dance around, or even twitch without some person staring at you thinking ‘dick’ead’.
I wish we all lived in a world where bursting into song and dance, on occasion, was seen as an acceptable/praised/warranted action.