Flicking through my blogs of old, to see that I had a lot more to say, once. I would like to elaborate on this further, and I’m gonna try… but I’m not even sure I can explain what’s happened.
I think mood has a lot to do with the ways in which we blog. Or write. Or communicate in general. Stating the obvious? Sometimes we forget.
When you’re cold, lonely and lost, blogs are often a great place to release the negative energy. Somewhere to say what you’re thinking, without badgering someone specifically and with the ability to censor yourself. Is that a good thing though? Not talking to a real person and censoring what you really mean? I’m on the fence. On the one hand it is simple relief, without the hassle. There are people around here that may feel your pain, may relate, and may comfort you, but they may not know you in the way that others do… On the otherhand, you’re distancing yourself in a way, and you’re making an excuse for yourself to let more build up so you can let more out… does that make sense?
As troubles have come and gone, it’s been very much reflected in this blog. Severe highs, severe lows. We all have them, and deal with each and every one in a different way. Reading about my relationship a year ago compared to now is terribly different. The events which unfolded during the gap in between are significant in a way, but are nothing on the grand scale of things. So why so much change?
Obviously change is a natural process that occurs within all aspects of life. But what I’d like to know is, why does it change everything? Why can things never stay similar? Why can’t we always return to the right track?
Reading a bit of my archive has got me questioning my happiness, my behaviour, the way I look, the way I feel and most of all what I’m the most unsure of… why it all had to change.
“The patients, originally described with this mutation were compound heterozygotes with the delta F508 mutation and had a very mild course of CF, suggesting that R347P, similar to other missense mutations affecting the MSD1 domain, causes a mild phenotype. We report here a group of 19 CF patients with the R347P mutation of German, Bulgarian, Czech, and Slovak origin, including two homozygotes. Most patients presented with early disease onset, pancreas insufficiency (PI), and early pulmonary involvement, suggesting that this mutation can lead to a severe course of CF.”—
Obviously I’m not of any of those origins, as far as I know. But still. If that’s true, in terms of the severe course of CF I’m in for a bumpier ride than I first thought…
Early disease onset… yep. PI… not sure. Early pulmonary involvement… certainly. OH :(
Been attached to a machine for 3 hours. Been waiting to see if two people that said they may nip in today show… debating whether to go to the cinema and for dinner with my nan when really I should be doing work.
One day soon, I will be totally stress free and absolutely nothing will be bothering me/on my mind. I’ll just be plodding on through, happy as larry.
Bonus news - I get released from the nut house on Wednesday. Waheyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Aside from the obvious (few) times when I’ve chundered, the time when I nearly caused a fight between alpha males or the time I cried for 4 hours because I was dropped and smacked my head on the pavement…?
Intrigued to know.
Aha, not really done myself any favours with the intro.
Also, am I equally dickish when hungover? Replies welcome/encouraged.
There’s a truth I’ve been coming across a lot lately, through asks and friends and just things I’ve been thinking about. A universal truth. A truth that’s often forgotten.
If there’s something that makes you really happy, you go get it. Keep it, treasure it, don’t lose it. Sadness is something people learn to take comfort in, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how the world should work. So yeah, keep hold of that happiness. If you don’t work for it, and treasure it, you’ll inevitably lose it at some point or another. Sadness often lingers for longer without any effort than happiness, remember that.
If there’s something that you think makes you really happy, when in reality it doesn’t, you need to reevaluate why you’re holding onto it. Is there enough happiness there to cling on to, or is it time to let go? Are you missing out on something else? Or are you just looking at this ‘happiness’ in the wrong way?
You need to decide what makes you happy. What makes you the happiest. Things in life clash and we can’t have everything that makes us happy. If you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, cling onto the one you can rely on to cheer you up and brighten your day. Be the person that is you at your best. Surround yourself with the things that make you the best person that you can be…
So I'm crying because of what seems like the most ridiculous thing ever
And it is, but you don’t understand how frustrating it is.
I’m in hospital still, and in my cubicle I have patientline, which if you didn’t know, is a pay per view telly/phone thing, usually found on adult only wards.
So, I’ve paid an extortionate fee to use the service, and today, it decides to break. It’d annoy me a little if it was broken and turned off. But no. It’s on full volume, stuck on full brightness on ITV4. Of all channels.
Pretty much tearing my hair out, because it’s so fucking loud and I can’t find my earphones to put my ipod in. ALSO the channel doesn’t actually have a closedown, it’s on 24/7.
Just shoot me now. Or stab me in the ears.
I’m sick to death of this place now. These 4 walls haunt me and it’s just driving me insane. Just wanna get out and go back to Leeds mannnnn.
Fair enough, I think you have a well informed opinion and thats nice to see. I just personally feel that they are hugely degrading to women. I think that a group of men going in and looking at women as sexual objects is wrong and I would never go to one (i'm a guy btw). I know loads of friends who have been and don't think they are bad people nor do i think the girls who work there are bad people. However i do think that the people who run them are awful people exploiting women in that way.
:) Why thank you.
In some ways, I agree with you. I think that looking at anyone, regardless of gender, as nothing more than a sexual object is degrading… but at the same time, if that’s all you want to be seen as, then that’s your prerogative.
Watch this, if you’re in the uk/have free time http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01b1y1n/Table_Dancing_Diaries/ It’s the documentary I mentioned!
Do you not think strip clubs are unbelievably sexist and degrading?
Hmm, I’m kinda on the fence with this.
If you asked me this probably… 2 weeks ago, I’d have probably said yes. Everyone associates strip clubs with sleaze and creeps, and girls that are down on their luck or shit like that. But then I happened to coincidentally see a documentary on strip clubs in the UK, the audition process, the rules and the girls, as well as the practice itself.
I think that as long as the rules are in place and the girls are there by choice, it’s a job at the end of the day isn’t it. As long as the ladies stick to the rules and so do the punters, it’s ok, I think. Obviously there’s an underbelly to it all, where rules are broken and abroad, in some countries, there’s sexual activity linked to it - this I don’t agree with. But I guess at the end of the day, it’s her body, she should be able to do what she wants with it. Plus it’s good pay!
I think the kind of guys that go there on a regular basis for a purpose other than taking clients are the ones that need questioning, not the clubs or girls themselves.