Don't get me wrong, I'm here for anyone who needs to talk
But jesus christ you have to help yourselves as well!
There’s a guy on twitter who’s got a few issues that keeps messaging me, and that’s fine - I want to help him and talk… but you can tell he’s happy being miserable and to be honest I don’t have so much time for that. It’s hard work and a drain on everyone else, especially those that are trying to help you. If you’re feeling fragile I understand, I do. Everyone has down times and everything seems worthless and difficult and I appreciate that. But this guy is so needy and messages me all day every day going into great detail about how many tears he cried because someone asked him to do something that reminded him of something that reminded him or something else - I’m trying to be understanding but I just don’t get it.
Is that bad of me? Does that make me a horrible person? :/
There’s just only so much you can do for someone (someone you don’t know in particular) before you have to just stop them and tell them what’s what.
What is it that makes a couple look good together?
Something I know to be true: a good handful of couples I know look good together, and all the ones I can think of (off the top of my head at least) work.
Something I also know to be true: I only looked good (suited) with Martin and Alex. Canning wasn’t anything like me, neither was Will, Ben was too good looking and disproportionally shaped to me and all other relations from the past - well I just can’t be arsed to go through them.
There’s supposedly something in it - couples with some similar features are drawn to each other. There are some couples out there that I see that look almost distantly related or even like brother and sister… I mean that’s unfortunate if you have a face like a sack of spuds, but it’s even more unfortunate if people do actually think you’re related. ANYWAY, the point is that for some reason I very rarely see a couple that look good together, miserable. This is something I’ve said for ages - good together couples just seem to be good together. Obviously I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and I’ve not met every good together couple in the world, I’m just saying that from what I’ve noticed, they just… work?
There are so many couples out there that just don’t look right… I’m talking about the 4ft nothing girls and the 7ft something guys. I’m talking about couples that dress completely differently. I’m talking about the couples that have very similar colourings (too similar perhaps) and yet completely clashing features. There are just some couples that you spot in your peripheral vision that just contrast in the wrong ways.
When looking back at my exs/relations/whatever you wanna call ‘em, I’ve realised that I looked better with a) Alex, because we had a few similar facial features, he wasn’t toooooo tall, we had a sort of similar look…ish and his lighter hair and my darker hair suited I think (is that a strange thing to notice?!!) and b) Martin, for some reason. Maybe we were just smiley enough and our colourings were complimentary? I’m not sure.
Either way, I think we looked better together than the others… but I don’t think we looked the best. Y’see the thing is, my visual type doesn’t suit me. A relatable example would be dark, new style Zac Efron type (don’t judge me) but more rugged. And that just doesn’t look right with me. Nothing looks right with me. When someone works out what looks right or just what works for me, give me a heads up, I’m dying to know.
I’m not much of a money grabbing daughter when it comes to my dad’s pot o’ gold, but I’m slowly reaching the red and he’s just got a big fat bonus from work and a new mercedes, he’s bought me nothing to help at uni, has given me no money up until this point (including the money he mentioned he’d give me for my birthday which I’ve let slide, because money wasn’t my number 1 priority) and gave my mum no child support for a couple of years when he was made redundant and recovering from his tumour. That means it’s perfectly acceptable now to have a conversation with him isn’t it? I’m not even asking for much, just a couple of quid to tide me over so I can actually go out next term instead of staying in and living on pot noodles and other terrible yet cheap food.
Left a comment on his latest facebook status about the money coming through simply saying the word ‘DADDYYYYYY….’ - hopefully I won’t actually have to have a conversation with him following this. But knowing me, I definitely will, and he’ll get out of it somehow and I’ll still be broke and I’ll let it slide, again. It’s not like he can’t afford it, but he could talk his way out of a paper bag so…
I would like to think that, despite a few mistakes in the past, I have a certain level of class about me.
Just seeing so many trash ass pictures on facebook makes me wonder if I look like that?
Sounds bitchy. Is probably very bitchy. I just don’t understand why you’d wear a naff pink spotty bra under a black dress or why you’d go anywhere with your boobs and bum hanging out or why you’d let someone take a photo of you with your legs open so wide that they can nearly see ya poonani?
So this is what people think of me. I'm not surprised at all.
Me:I have a cloud bed. this bed is dangerous, it's the kind that makes you never want to leave.
Friend:what is a cloud bed? don't say a bed that looks like a cloud or I will poke you in the eye
Me:errr...it kinda does actually, it's pretty amaze. it's just what i imagine a cloud to feel like. light and fluffy and just... AHHHH! i just want to roll around and... squish it! it's a single though so it's not much of a roller bed.
Friend:I didn't imagine you to own a single bed - you seem more the kind of 4 poster girl
Me:well, it's at home, home is different to my sex dungeon
Me:my very imaginary sex dungeon. OHHH :(
Friend:you don't have to pretend, we all know you have a dungeon
In the car on the way home from uni (arrived a couple of hours ago, it’s good to be back) we whacked some tunes on and sang out at the top of our lungs. That’s kinda what our car does, my mum, brother and I. We just belt songs out - don’t take ourselves too seriously, do some funky dance moves, have a party in the passenger seat. It’s all in the name of good fun. This experience today (after a few weeks of not seeing my family and months since we did THAT) prompted 2 separate trails of thought:
I don’t think I’d like to share this family thing with anyone else.
I’d really like to be with someone that loves this song.
Just found a letter inviting me to do some modelling...
Granted it’s only for the show I did last year. But that was a top banana show, tons of fun and I was in a couple of the local papers. I actually felt pretty proud of myself after that. Especially with the 2 minute costume change challenge - that was a feat in silence I tell ya! Haha.
EEEEK. They wrote a personal letter asking for my return and everything. Oh yes, definitely up for that (if I’m not abroad). Dead chuffed mate, seriously.
So, in the car on the way home, out came a big old revelation from my nonchalant mother...
"We’re putting the house on the market in the next couple of weeks by the way."
On Sunday I got the most spectacular text from my mother. It was rather lengthy, and consisted of purely good news. I have my job back for summer, we’re going on holiday, some money was coming through, she’s getting a divorce (trust me, this is the best bit), yada yada yada… Obviously a divorce means divvying up your shit, I know this, I’m not an imbecile. But, in my infinite wisdom, I forgot that this included the house. When mum dropped me the ‘M’ bomb earlier my jaw dropped into my lap. I don’t hold any particular attachment to this house I call home as such, so I wasn’t so bothered by that but… there’s the small factor that when I return home for the summer, there is a slight possibility that I won’t return to Leicester for the majority of it. My mum and her fella have discussed moving in together and the logical step (for various reasons that you don’t necessarily need to know) would be to move to his neck of the woods, near Leamington. I just sat there with a glum look on my mush*. The realisation that all my stuff will be there and all my friends will be here is a sad sad thing to think about. My friend Jess experienced this big change last summer, but her boyfriend is a local so she just stays with him. This prompted many thoughts about my options and how I could possibly stay in Leicester instead. I came up with a plan to find a nice boy with a double bed and a spare wardrobe (from home) that I could shack up with for a few months. I then realised that this was a borderline preposterous idea as a) I don’t need that distance hassle b) sounds a bit quick/invasive/rapey and c) I don’t know who the feck would put up with me for that period anyway? I then decided that moving in with my nan for the majority of the holidays would be my safest option… not quite home but I could deal with it. Although I’d have to hook her up with broadband, couldn’t cope without any internet (low 3G signal wahhhh) for near on 4 months…
I’m just in bed thinking about it now. It’d be kinda sad if mum did move out of Leicester. Even though it’s no Maldives/Miami/Manhattan, it’s still a pretty cool place - mainly because the people make it so. And it is home to me, more so than my native Harrow ever was. But I do always have my Nan’s place (she’s a legend of epic proportions) and I’m happy that Mum’s moving on, properly, from her cuntish ex. And if I’m honest, I’m kinda excited about the prospect of having two small step sisters (he has two tiny girls) and a new place to go out for lunch. Mmm. This is a positive prospective change. Most definitely.
*Mush = a cross between moosh and mush, english slang for face/mouth area of face.
Dear Insomnia, I am writing to inform you that you are a prick of gigantic proportions. Please feel free to move back to non existence, where you came from. You will not be missed. Yours, The Sleep Deprived.
You’re the victim? How are you the victim? You’ve dealt with a couple of girls who have had a hissy fit. I know plenty of girls that have been with bat shit crazy guys too. Girls who have been beaten and threatened. And I know plenty of girls that have been promised the world and been left with absolutely nothing. I know more girls than males that have been broken because sex is more important to him than companionship. And damn I know more girls that have had to go through the bigger, tougher shit like pregnancy and abortion on their own because they’ve put their all into a partner and they’ve turned out to be no use to them.
I’m not saying females are the victim, females are certainly not angels by any stretch… but if you’re gonna go on about us all being mental for no reason, saying that no nice girls exist in the world, then you’re a complete and utter moron.
I'm very unconvinced that a non mental girl exists
Me:i'm convinced that you'll never meet a girl that doesn't have a mental moment yes
things men do drive us fucking crackers
i swear none of you listen, think and then do
you either do without thinking, listen and do something else or don't listen and let your mind wander when you're supposed to be doing something important
why would you want a girl that just nods and says yes to everything you say? why would you want a total wall flower? she'd be so boring!
i want someone to spar with, and someone i can be cute with too
i don't just want it to be vomit inducing and sickly sweet all the time. i want to be able to debate and discuss the wonders of the world with someone, i want to learn things from them and i want them to learn things from me. i want them to be able to influence me and vice versa - not to change me, but to make me better and for them to feel they're a better person for being with me.
that wouldn't come without a little crazy and you know it.
Male:that totally was not what I was saying, I don't want a 'yes girl'
I would just like to meet a female that actually wants to be happy rather than constantly complaining about how people treat them badly
If you want to be happy, don't be with knobheads
Me:i don't think females intentionally go out there and think 'yeah he's a massive douche, let's shack up with him in the hopes that we can get married and have twattish kids'
i think some go out there and find someone they can try to fix, but men are exactly the same. loads of men lap up the broken woman thing, the one who's been treated like shit or has never successfully cum with the help of a bloke or is ill and needs looking after, they love that shit just as much as a girl likes to make a bad boy good.
some people enjoy sitting in misery and soaking it up. it's comfortable to them. but most of us have just been let down a fucking ridiculous amount, and letting anyone in is difficult. the charmers find it easier to get to us, and often they're the offending arseholes.